He Displays His Splendor

A few months ago I had an incredible revelation given to me by the Lord. I was inductively studying Matthew and hit a wall in Chapter 2. Pretty far, right? But I did. I ran in to a question that scared me, and shook my faith.

“The Flight to Egypt

13 Now when they had departed, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, “Rise, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there until I tell you, for Herod is about to search for the child, to destroy him.” 14 And he rose and took the child and his mother by night and departed to Egypt 15 and remained there until the death of Herod. This was to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet, “Out of Egypt I called my son.”

Herod Kills the Children

16 Then Herod, when he saw that he had been tricked by the wise men, became furious, and he sent and killed all the male children in Bethlehem and in all that region who were two years old or under, according to the time that he had ascertained from the wise men. 17 Then was fulfilled what was spoken by the prophet Jeremiah:

18  “A voice was heard in Ramah, weeping and loud lamentation, Rachel weeping for her children; she refused to be comforted, because they are no more.”

The Return to Nazareth

19 But when Herod died, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt, 20 saying, “Rise, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel, for those who sought the child’s life are dead.” 21 And he rose and took the child and his mother and went to the land of Israel. 22 But when he heard that Archelaus was reigning over Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go there, and being warned in a dream he withdrew to the district of Galilee. 23 And he went and lived in a city called Nazareth, so that what was spoken by the prophets might be fulfilled, that he would be called a Nazarene.”

-Matthew 2: 13-23

I soaked in the passage admiring the fulfilled prophecies of Hosea, Isaiah, and Jeremiah. The skilled writings of Matthew, and taking in the horrific acts of King Herod. I loved the way God sent His angels. I loved the beautiful hints found in the passage displaying God’s humility, patience, trustworthiness. But, then I wondered; If God knows everything, then why didn’t He tell Joseph and his family to go straight to Nazareth? If the prophets prophesied that Jesus would be a Nazarene, then wouldn’t God just send them straight there? The question seems simple, but it is actually really complex.

I feared that God was inconsistent. That He was not all-knowing. Which makes the question very complex. Because if God is not all-knowing then how can He help us in times of trouble? How could we ever be prophetic? How is Jesus really going to come back? How is the Bible true, because the Bible says that God is all knowing? I refused to believe these things about the King of Kings. Though my flesh wanted to skip the passages, skip the doubts, and move on with lazy faith, my Spirit was jumping inside. So I sat, for hours. Praying, digging, meditating, repeat. I couldn’t figure it out. If there was an answer on the internet, I didn’t want it yet. I had to figure this out on my own because I knew God wanted to reveal to me who He was Himself, not through another’s interpretation.

Then it hit me! We cannot be all-knowing because we can’t be God. For wisdom, we have to choose the all-knowing God. I suppose the ‘why’ is unimportant. God allowed Joseph to still be human and go through what made sense before revealing His change of plans. God stoops beneath His infinite knowledge of what He ultimately knows is going to happen. He is consistent and patient. If He took us where He always knew best, we wouldn’t be human, and life would take no amount of faith. We couldn’t have a relationship with God because we would never choose Him, instead we’d be in this bubble of protection from failure, sin, hardship, and ignorance. Gods ourselves. It is these things that bring us to God, and His knowledge is too wonderful for us to know ( Job 42:3 ).

As I rejoiced in this revelation, God continued conversing with me about it. He asked me if I really wanted to know everything. He told me I was incapable not because of my lack of power, but because I couldn’t handle knowing the weight and impact my sin has on other’s lives. It was a very humbling moment between the Lord and I.

I thank Him that He is all-knowing every day now. We cannot do this life ourselves. How beautiful it is that we get the privilege of having a relationship with a God that suffers watching us suffer, and gives us the choice to choose Him amidst the suffering. The answer is simple. God is all-knowing because that is His character and He can’t not be, and we get blessed by His character! We don’t have to continue governing ourselves, our families, and our relationships. We can drop to our knees in desperation, and reach out to the God who knows the quickest answer to the wonderfully complex questions.


“Come Away…Come Away With Me.”

I was encouraged to ask a question by a friend. A question I struggled with. It took me a long time to realize the lie I had been living under. The lie that spit in the face of Jesus. The lie that told me I could not go to Him, be open with Him, because I was way too dirty. I felt like a pig that had just rolled through and through sloppy mud. Continuously bowing to my flesh. Doing what I did not want to do. Fighting the same battle Paul fought;

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7:15

A spiritual OCD. I knew what was good. What was clean. What was edifying to my mind, and all my flesh would do is the opposite. I finally came to the end of myself. The end of my abandonment, control, fear, rejection, and I asked Him.

“Jesus, can you take me to the Father?”

Jesus and I are in a very large beautiful field. He’s sitting at my feet holding my hand as I stand and stare up at the sky. All I see is light. Bright, radiating, filling the entire atmosphere. The sun is nowhere to be found, no, for this light swallows the light of the sun and extracts over the entirety of the sky above me.

Jesus pulls me down next to Him and we laid back on the soft grass. The light above was behind the fogginess of a thin layer of clouds. Jesus said, “You do not understand the father. His presence will not kill you, and He wants to be near you.” I replied, “Jesus, take me to the Father.”

Jesus tilted the world onto its side. His body became a bridge stretching from the field to the sky. I walked across the bridge, went through the wisps of cloud, and into the overwhelming light.

It didn’t hurt me, nor did it blind me. I was spinning in the midst of nothingness. Just a yellow glow on every side of me. I was praising with my arms held high and my voice proclaiming the glory of God.

“Father, please show yourself, I want to see you.” The next thing I heard was “Dun dun. Dun dun.” I was in the heartbeat of my Father.

Out of the air Jesus walked to me and sat at my feet again. When I saw Him I started laughing, and a voice from all around me that didn’t come from the lips of Jesus spoke, “Haeli, why are you laughing?” I told the Father that I missed His Son, and then thought of how much He missed Him while He died for humanity. Jesus showed me a loaf of bread, and a beautiful glass of wine He brought.

Brushing His hand over my eyes He closed them. He told me when His body hung on the cross He thought of me. He remembered me and whispered my name. He acknowledged me before I lived, and loved me too quick for me to love Him first.

Then I felt the bread touch my lips,  I took of it and ate.

Jesus showed me a beautiful glass of wine. As if He was just holding the wine without a glass, it was so clear. I would of thought it was invisible if it weren’t for the sparkle along the edges. “Drink my blood, Haeli. For this is the only way you will have life. Drink of my blood every morning, and let it flow through your veins. Let your body be mine, you can not do anything alone.” I took the transparent cup and drank.

Jesus took me by the hand and picked me up. He said, “I have prepared a feast for you.” The next thing I knew we were walking through a doorway into a room dressed like the Christmas season. Twenty four elders, 12 sitting on each side of the long table, stood for me and welcomed me to my seat next to Jesus. He sat on the end and I took the corner seat next to Him. On my head, He placed a crown. He straightened it, and as He did I could hear the silencing of the enemy’s tormenting lies. I heard the chains falling off my ears. Off my brain, and off my heart. Jesus told me, “The cost is paid, you will always have a place at my table.” And we ate.

“Why would You do that for me?” After sitting on the shower floor for about 30 minutes lost in this vision I could not get up from weeping and asking the question over and over. He took away every bit of sin between us. He grabbed them from my heart and gently tossed them away, so bold yet without the slightest bit of arrogance. He did what only He could do. My hiding couldn’t clean me. My dishonesty with myself wouldn’t wash me. My control couldn’t fulfill me. There was a wall between me and the cure to all of my pain and that was Jesus. Satan distorts the truth and says, “Jesus won’t take it away, it’s a waste of time.” If Satan distorts, then isn’t the opposite true? Won’t Jesus take the pain away? Give us the very white shirt off of His back over and over and over again no matter how many more times we roll through the mud?

I can see it. His hands stretched out over the world, calling it back to Him. Like He did in the days of the prophets.

“A cry is heard on the barren heights, the weeping and the pleading of the people of Israel, because they’ve perverted their ways and have forgotten the Lord their God. Return, faithless people; I will cure you of backsliding.” Jeremiah 3:21-22

Jesus pleading with the nations of people bowing down and worshipping the lie that says we are not good enough to come to Him. Pleading with the nations to enter in to His presence. He says, “Come away, come away with me. I know what you did, but just let me love you now. This moment is too sweet. Please stay here with me and love on me a little longer because I’m so in love with you.”

Have you gone to Jesus today? Have you gotten on your knees and asked Him what He did for you? Asked Him why He says you’re worthy? I want to encourage you, like I was encouraged. Ask Jesus to take you to the Father. Accept His grace that is ever so sufficient for you. His blood that has been atoned for you. Don’t waste any more time running away from the Father when He looks at you with the same smile, the same laugh, the same compassion He looks at His son with. You have a place at His table, just waiting. Do not waste any more of your time. Go away with Him.